Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Vegetative state

From: Closed circuit

A warm welcome back to the confines of Closed Circuit to Sir Peter Housden - head honcho at the Communities and Local Government department until last year and now Scotland’s most senior civil servant.

Twitter has been abuzz this week thanks to the publication on the Scottish Government’s website of Sir Peter’s internal blogs to staff.
Closed Circuit recommends readers take a look, if only for such classic musings as ‘Is there anyone else who would like to see the return of the tuna (without mayonnaise) and green salad in a box?’ and ‘went to Of Gods and Men at the Filmhouse. I’m afraid I had a major attack of the sleeps at the start.’

Closed Circuit’s personal favourite? ‘The undoubted highlight of the social week was the Gardening and Crafts Club annual show…. It was all very exciting. The price of leeks went above £1.50.’

It’s clearly still all go for Sir Peter.

Readers have probably heard the age old philosophical question about whether a tree would make a sound if it falls in a forest but no one is around to hear it. This week Closed Circuit has come up with a new poser: does a tweet count as a sound when it is being read?

British Gas helpfully answered the question on Friday when it sent out an auto-scheduled missive during the two minutes’ silence for victims of the two world wars and subsequent conflicts.

It immediately sent out an apology stating that it was ‘very sorry for the tweet during the 2 mins silence’.

Closed Circuit didn’t hear the offending tweet but it hopes the racket didn’t upset too many people.

In typical opposition style, Hilary Benn chose to dwell on the negative this week.

The shadow communities secretary slammed the government for ‘failing to deal with the housing crisis being faced by hard-working people’ in a carefully worded attack.

Closed Circuit is happy to restore some balance to the picture by reporting that the government has made great strides in dealing with the housing crisis being faced by people who do not work hard at all. It is sure that Mr Benn will find it in his heart to acknowledge this achievement in due course.

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