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On being asked to be a role model
No one who is gay should feel pressured into being ‘out’, but neither should they feel pressure to stay ‘in’, says Claire Winfield
I am really proud to chair the board at Nottingham Community Housing Association (NCHA). I’m obviously proud of all the great work we do across the East Midlands, but I am especially proud of the positive work we’ve been doing over the past few years to ensure that our staff and colleagues represent the diverse communities we serve.
Two years ago I was asked to be part of a ‘role models’ campaign at NCHA. The idea was very much around ensuring that colleagues (staff) and potential new colleagues could see a role for them and see that real opportunities and progression were available for talented people. We wanted to show that people from a wide range of diverse backgrounds can and do achieve at NCHA.
Never having considered myself a role model before, I was happy to be included on the basis that if talking about my sexuality and career helped just one person, then I’d be happy.
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As time goes on, and I get older, being gay is just an intrinsic part of who I am. It isn’t the first thing I tell people and, to be honest, it is not the most important thing. What I would really want to people to know about me are important things, that I’m kind, compassionate, honest, reliable, capable, stubborn, funny (sometimes!).
I do feel privileged to be in a position where I don’t feel scared or need to hide my sexuality, and I know that’s not the same for everyone. It is because of the people who have gone before and paved the way, that things have got easier.
“You spend a lot of time at work, and trying to live two lives was tiring”
When I first started out in my career, I was always conscious of needing to make a choice and decision about whether or not to tell people about my sexuality. To be honest, in the early days the decision was usually don’t tell – it felt like too big a risk and I thought at the time that it wasn’t that important. I thought it didn’t matter, that it wasn’t relevant to my job and it wasn’t anyone else’s business.
Looking back, I think that was a really naive decision. You spend a lot of time at work, and trying to live two lives was tiring. It was hard to remember what you’d told people – not really lying but never really telling the full truth.
As I moved into more senior and leadership roles, it was clear that it wasn’t okay to hide such a big part of myself. I think that if you want to be a good and credible leader, you have to be an authentic leader.
“If I wasn’t ‘out’, that would have really hindered me in getting to where I am – I would have always been looking over my shoulder, thinking too much about everything and not enjoying my work and my life”
I won’t pretend that it’s always easy. There are still times when you wonder what reaction you’re going to get. You’ve been talking about your partner and someone asks you, “what does he do?” when you respond that “she’s” a teacher, it can change things. But more and more people just don’t get phased, they usually apologise and then ask what she teaches.
I hope that by being ‘out’ in these situations helps to challenge mind sets and assumptions, and that over time things will change.
Being ‘out’ hasn’t helped me get to the positions I now hold. I have the skills and experience to do my job well. However, if I wasn’t ‘out’, that would have really hindered me in getting to where I am – I would have always been looking over my shoulder, thinking too much about everything and not enjoying my work and my life.
I think that being gay has never been more accepted. That’s not to say that there aren’t still challenges and that we don’t still need to work hard to overcome prejudice, fear and occasionally hatred.
No one who’s gay should feel pressured into being ‘out’, but neither should they feel pressure to stay ‘in’. Everyone needs to decide when the time is right for them.
All I can say is that life is so much easier when you’re not trying to live two separate ones. You can be happy, successful, respected and loved… and gay!
Claire Winfield, chair, Nottingham Community Housing Association
