Our youngest director explains how she managed to ‘lean in’ to her career while having children

This is aimed at women in their twenties, a pivotal time in a woman’s life when she makes important decisions about who she wants to be and the kind of life she wants to live.  

I was asked to share my thoughts about an event and the people and chance-encounters that made it possible, finishing with the advice I would give to my 20-year-old self. 

I decided to share my journey over the past two years, as I’ve tried to balance having children with ‘leaning in’ to my career.  

So, my story… 

I’m now the director of care, health and well-being at SYHA; I’m also mum to two young girls.   

Since having my first, I’ve changed jobs twice, both times while on maternity leave. Women’s careers generally stay static or go backwards when they have children, while men often get promoted, so I realise I’ve bucked the trend.

Believe me when I say this was never my plan. But when opportunities presented themselves, I made the decision to lean in and test the art of the possible.  

“At the time, I didn’t have children and I remember thinking, ‘If I lean in any further, I’m going to fall over’”

My previous boss, Helen Milner, chief executive of Good Things Foundation (GTF), provided the inspiration.

Back in 2013, she was fortunate enough to be at the UK launch of the book Lean In by Facebook chief operating officer (COO) Sheryl Sandberg. Helen brought a copy back to the office for me with a note that simply said, “Charlotte, lean in”.

At the time, I didn’t have children, and I remember thinking, “If I lean in any further, I’m going to fall over.”

I enjoyed the book but I didn’t “get it” until I had my first child. When Lily was three months old and I was on maternity leave, there was a significant restructure at GTF that created the role of COO.  

I got a sinking feeling when I saw the structure and the COO role. This was in response to my initial reaction of excitement at seeing my dream job, closely followed by the dawning realisation that I had a three-month-old baby and was averaging five hours’ sleep a night.

This was all bloody bad timing. 

My head was saying: “You can’t do this, it’s not possible. Someone else who is having sleep will interview and do the job better. It’s obviously not your time.” But my heart was screaming, “You want this job.” 

Helen talked me through my options, including the COO role. As she left, she said, “Charlotte, it is up to you, but you should lean in.”  

In the end, I did. I applied successfully and started the job three months later.  I loved being COO and although it was tough, I never regretted my decision. I made a big impact, despite being sleep-deprived. 

“Helen talked me through my options, including the COO role. As she left, she said, ‘Charlotte, it is up to you, but you should lean in’”  

We’d had quite a bit of IVF treatment to conceive our first daughter, so we didn’t want to leave too much of a gap between children. 

After the birth of our second daughter, I expected to return to my COO role. However, a chance encounter with a friend saw her telling me about a job she thought I’d be perfect for.

With a baby strapped to my front and a toddler having a tantrum on the floor, I remember dismissing this as something I had no energy for.

That night, she sent me the link. That sinking feeling returned. It was my “golden unicorn” of jobs: Sheffield-based; working for SYHA, an exceptional Sunday Times Top 100 company; working in areas I was passionate about, such as homelessness and mental health; and it was a job share at executive level.  

All the self-doubt came flooding back, together with that old friend “bloody bad timing”. Like others, I also thought changing jobs on maternity leave was a no-go.

I was moaning to my husband a few nights later about the unfairness of it all. He just very matter-of-factly said to me: “I don’t know what you’re worrying about. We’re in the same situation and if it were me, I’d go for it – we’ve both got two kids under two and want careers. All the other stuff is just logistics.”

“All the self-doubt came flooding back, together with that old friend ‘bloody bad timing’. Like others, I also thought changing jobs on maternity leave was a no-go”

Around the same time, there was loads of press coverage about the prime minister of New Zealand having a baby. I remember clearly thinking: “Right, there’s my role model. If she can have a baby and run a country, I can do this.”

When I applied for both jobs, I didn’t tell anyone.

I think it was because I knew people would put doubts in my mind. I think I was right in this decision, as people’s responses – after congratulations – included: “Why are you putting that pressure on yourself?”, “How are you going to manage that with the kids?” and “Your employer must be furious that you’re messing them around!”

I did ask a few of these people if they would have said the same thing if it had been my husband. I suspect they wouldn’t and that actually they’d have said, “It’s great that you’re able to provide for your growing family.” They may not have asked how he was going to balance it with the kids.  

What three bits of advice would I give my 20-year-old self?

1. Ignore societal norms – most are weird, like if you’re trying for a baby, pregnant or on maternity leave, don’t consider changing jobs.
2. Have the career conversation with your partner: couples talk a lot about houses, children, travel and marriage, but they don’t often explicitly talk about career aspirations. It’s not romantic, but hey.  
3. Consider job-sharing: it was never on my radar before this job and I really don’t know why. It’s a great way for people to have a really good work-life balance and for companies to get two brains for the price of one.

Leaning in to your career when you have young kids isn’t the easy choice, but with the right conditions, it can be amazing.

Charlotte Murray, director of care, health and well-being, and Tony Stacey, chief executive, South Yorkshire Housing Association