Closed Circuit: soiling themselves

We have another entry for our dear, departed housing look-a-like competition. Which of you readers can tell the difference between communities secretary Sajid Javid and pop heart-throb Zayn Malik?

Yes, OK, all of you. But maybe not for long. Mr Malik has sent shock waves through his young fanbase by trimming off his black locks and going all baldy – just like Mr Javid (although we’re not sure the minister has much choice).

When one Twitter user pointed out the similarity, Mr Javid was swift to respond. “It’s a good look!” he tweeted, attracting more than 500 likes and much hilarity.

The reception online was mostly positive, though, with one groupie simply writing: “Sajid you’re a hottie!”.

Sadly, no one took the opportunity to point out that under his stewardship, the housing crisis is going in One Direction.

.@LFCDetroit It’s a good look! t.co/feCEFu5Ox1

— Sajid Javid (@sajidjavid)

.@LFCDetroit It's a good look! https://t.co/feCEFu5Ox1

— Sajid Javid (@sajidjavid) September 4, 2017

Staff at Wandsworth Road train station were surprised last week to find journalists soliciting their opinions on Sadiq Khan’s new London Housing Strategy.

Far be it from us to denigrate the insight of Transport for London’s employees into housing policy, but we were actually seeking the views of Paul Hackett, chief executive of Optivo.

However, upon dialling him up, we were greeted by the dulcet tones of the station manager at Wandsworth Road informing us that said mobile had been found at the station.

Always the upstanding citizen, Closed Circuit alerted the new chair of the G15 to the whereabouts of his phone, and reunited him with it that afternoon.

In our usual selfless style, we ask for nothing in return except the right to publish a small diary piece about the exploits. Never mind though, we’re sure he can Hackett.

There are lots of risks associated with developing a large housing project, but one Midlands housing association ran into a problem which doesn’t appear on your standard risk matrix: it quite literally soiled itself.

Longhurst, which is building 400 homes at a site in Grimsby, felt the wrath of nearby residents and attracted some unflattering local press after it left a huge mound of earth lying around near the development site.

Unfortunately the landlord’s attempts to cover up its mess with some black tarpaulin were in vain, and after a quiet word from the local councillors, it removed the pile last week.

It’s not clear where it has moved it to, but Closed Circuit hopes it didn’t follow the lead of one notorious story flying around the media and try to throw it out of the window.